Posts in Love

I Kicked Him Out of Bed

You are good!

Maybe you’ve done some bad things in your life, but that doesn’t mean you are bad.

When I was 20 years old I did something really, really bad.

Something that made me feel like I was a rotten human being and almost no one knows about because I hate remembering I ever did such a thing.

To tell you the truth, I’m only talking about it now because I can’t think of a less revealing way to illustrate my above point: we’ve all made mistakes but we’re all still good!

So, at age 20 I moved in with my boyfriend. One night, we got into a heated argument as we were getting ready for bed. I wasn’t much for yelling, and we had roommates who slept in the room next to ours so we had to keep it down, but I was angry at him and I wanted him to know it.

So, I kicked him out of bedA bed he’d paid for in a room he paid half of the rent for.

Not only did I kick him out of bed, but I kicked him out of our room! Why? Because I was angry and because I knew it would be embarrassing when our roommates found him on the couch in the living room in the morning. I wanted him to feel bad.

Sweet Danielle not so sweet now, huh? Yep, I can be kind of a jerk sometimes.

Looking back 18 years later, I don’t know why I did such a thing. I certainly hadn’t seen that behavior modeled at home. Maybe I picked it up from a movie? Who knows.

At any rate, the next morning I felt terrible about how I had behaved. I don’t remember if I apologized immediately, but I do remember I made a decision never to do that again.

Kicking someone out of their own bed is no way to treat another human being, especially someone you love (and who owns at least half the bed). I’d let anger consume me, and I’d lashed out in a way that was hurtful. I did something bad, but that doesn’t make me bad.

The first layer of loving yourself so ferociously that you can survive anything that happens in life (even divorce) is to remember YOU ARE GOOD, no matter how many times you have screwed up.

You’ve done some bad things, but you’ve learned from them and done better since then, right? Forgive yourself. We’ve all made mistakes (and will make plenty more). Just do your best and remind yourself that those mistakes have made you who you are now.

You are still good. (I promise it’s true)

Love,

The TELEVISION Debut of the GROW Formula for Dating Apps

The GROW formula is growing.

This week I traveled from Washington DC to Phoenix Arizona to talk about finding love after divorce ON TELEVISION!

Despite recent 120-degree temperatures in Phoenix, when Arizona Daily Mix host Danielle Williams invited me to be a guest on her show I immediately booked a flight.

It was so much fun to be back on TV, and I’m excited to report the show’s producer eagerly invited me to return to share about my book, Dear Self, I Love You! Keep Going!, so you’ll definitely be seeing me on AZTV again later this year.

Here we are, Danielle Watson and Danielle Williams (the double D’s), talking about GROW and how to use dating apps to find love after divorce.

If you have single friends frustrated with dating after divorce share the GROW formula with them. The first class is free and it’s easy to sign up right here.

Love,

 

 

Are Dating Apps a Waste of Time?

You may have heard your single friends complaining that dating apps like Bumble and Tinder are a waste of time and that they’ve been using them for months but haven’t connected with anyone decent. What you need to understand is that this is happening to them because they are using dating apps incorrectly.

Dating apps are a powerful tool that almost no one understands how to use to meet the right person. This leads to wasting hours trying to meet someone (to no avail) which results in users feeling jaded about dating apps and even dating in general.

What this pint-sized anthropologist in a dress has noticed is people are using a tool that is as powerful as a magic wand as merely a back scratcher or a toothpick.

A dating app can perform the almost magical feat of delivering someone amazing and who wants to have a relationship with you right to your phone; but ONLY when you understand how to use it the right way!

It’s not the apps’ fault if people fail to recognize the power it holds or doesn’t use it correctly.

You can use a dating app to meet someone who would be an amazing partner for you and who will hold your hand under the table at dinner, text you first thing in the morning, and stand beside you through life’s inevitable ups and downs.

Some of the reasons your friends are not connecting with anyone decent:

  • They are missing the boat on when to ask for the date (timing is crucial) 
  • Their communication style is ineffective 
  • They don’t know what they are looking for (or looking at) when they swipe 
  • They are trying to play a game instead of being warm and genuine 
  • They are blaming the reason they are not meeting someone great on the lack of good people out there instead of realizing that the problem might be their own behaviors

Dating apps are not a waste of time. When you use my formula for dating apps, your worst problem could end up being having to choose which amazing person to meet in real life first.

There are 4 simple steps to using dating apps effectively and I have outlined these steps in my GROW formula.

Step 1: Give

Step 2: Receive

Step 3: Offer

Step 4: Win

When you go to make the offer to meet in Step 3, how you make it is the most crucial step. I’ll get you started connecting with the right people by providing you with Step 1 (Give) for FREE below.

If you find that the way I teach you to execute Step 1 feels good, I know you’ll be eager to buy the rest of the formula so you can learn the right way to offer to meet someone in person. But, start with the free class so you’re confident that this way feels more natural than what other people are telling you to do, ok?

There’s a lot of advice on how to date out there, but this formula absolutely works with dating apps and it will feel more comfortable and natural for both you and your match.

Someone amazing is just waiting for your swipe. Take the free class here because success never stopped meaning having someone to share it all with, did it? You’re ready, and I’ll bet it’s high time you put yourself back out there.

Love,

 

3 Tips to Writing an Online Dating Profile for Professionals

For the professional man or woman, posting an online dating profile can feel risky and far too revealing for comfort.

Can colleagues (or your ex!) potentially see your profile?

How much personal information can you share without risking appearing unprofessional?

What kinds of photos should you include?

Your answers are here.

Your Profile is NOT Private

The first thing you need to know is that you’ll have no control over who sees your online dating profile. Anyone who is participating in online dating, from a colleague, to an old flame, to your ex could potentially see your profile. There can be no reasonable expectation of privacy with online dating.

Don’t let that scare you away, but consider carefully what you’ll share and how you’ll share it.

Tip #1: Imagine your Grandmother seeing your profile. My profile shares plenty of personal details about me, but it contains nothing I would not be perfectly comfortable showing my grandmother (this includes my photos).

 

Your Profile is NOT a Résumé

The second thing you’ll need to consider when writing an online dating profile is who you are OUTSIDE of your career accomplishments.

Your professional accomplishments are a significant and important part of who you are, but when you’re out there in the dating world, remember you’re looking to connect with someone you want to spend your time away from the office with.

Not sure where to start?

Tip #2: Try sharing something you’re interested in learning about. How to cook a pot roast, how to fold a fitted sheet, what a meme is, or the next place you’d like to explore in the great wide world.

 

Your Photos Matter

Third, I know it’s tempting to hire a professional photographer to take photos of you for your online dating profile, but don’t. I could explain why, but just trust me on this one for now. Do NOT include your professional headshot or the photo from your badge either.

Tip #3: Be sure your profile includes a Selfie as well as a full body shot.

Bonus Tip: The order in which you arrange the photos in your profile will make a difference in how people perceive you (and the kind of matches you receive), so give some careful consideration to that as well.

 

Busy and Need Help?

If you’d like me to show you the best order in which to post your photos or help to optimize your profile so that you maintain your professional image (while maximizing your chances of meeting someone you can really connect with) you can hire me for that.

Send me an email here to find out how soon I can work you into my calendar and for information on pricing for each of these services.

A Good Hard Cry

I’m not entirely sure this is appropriate to share…but it felt important to my soul to write this down today, so here goes nothing!

This is a long-running emotional fantasy of mine that involves the future Man of My Dreams, and it goes something like this…

I’m feeling overwhelmed and a bit ragged around the edges. The kind of ragged where you can’t seem to put your eyeliner on quite right so one eye ends up looking bigger than the other, and no matter how many hours of sleep you log, you still feel tired.

The kind of tired no amount of sleep, or yoga, or eating better is going to make a dent in because you are emotionally drained and what you really need is a good hard…CRY.

In my fantasy world, when I’m feeling like this here’s what would happen next.

Man of My Dreams would notice I haven’t quite been my usual smiling and cheerful self today and at that realization, a knowing grin would slowly creep across his face.

He’s grinning because he knows exactly what I need and that he’s the one who can provide it.

When he knows he can provide something I need, he gets this amped-up, supercharged feeling of excitement inside because providing something for the woman who loves him and cheers him on (even on the days it feels like the rest of the world is trying to flatten him), just does something to his insides that he could never put into words. He can’t wait to do something for me that he’s pretty sure only he can do!

While I’m in the bathroom (probably still trying to get that eyeliner on right), he sets the stage.

He begins by rearranging the couch cushions so there’s room for both of us to recline on it, and then, he strategically places a tissue box and a glass of water within arms reach. Finally, he lays down on the couch and calls out to me,

“Hey, sweetie can you come here for a minute?”

From down the hall, I answer,

“Sure, just give me a sec to finish this eyeliner.”

Eventually, I give up on the eyeliner and move towards the living room where I see that he is sprawled out on the couch with his strong arms wide open.

He says,

“Hey, there. Get over here. Get into my arms!” (a soft smile on his face)

What woman could resist that face and that invitation (even if she is still annoyed about the eyeliner), am I right?

As I half collapse, half fling myself into his arms he says to me,

“Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve been a little tired today. Is everything ok?”

I mumble some well-worn lines about “everything being fine, just busy lately, blah-blah-blah,” but I’m already starting to feel rejuvenated because there’s something about his soft t-shirt and the way he smells that just makes me feel all warm and gooey inside.

He listens to my mumblings about being busy, and when I’m done sweeping my emotional fatigue under the rug he says,

“I think what you might need is a good cry. Would it be okay if I just held you here and let you cry until you feel better?”

At that point in the fantasy, I’d pretty much dissolve into a heap of tears and sobs for at least the next twenty minutes, letting all I am feeling (and even things I didn’t know I was feeling) bubble to the surface and flow out. And you, dear reader, I’m embarrassed to admit, would not want to be anywhere near that couch because it would become a hazmat scene of snotty and tear-filled tissues, but OMG would I feel like a whole new woman ready to take on the day!

Of course, I’d look a hideous mess when I’d finished crying (and all that wrestling with the eyeliner would have been for naught), but I’d feel 10 years younger, 10 pounds lighter, and like I must be the absolute luckiest girl in the world to be nestled in the arms of such an amazing magical beast of a man.

And The Man of My Dreams?

Well, he might be a tad concerned that someone so tiny could produce so many tears in such a short amount of time, but he’d also feel like he’s just won every award and medal in the history of man-dom for being the manliest of men because when I finished crying I would look up at him and smile a happy smile and he would know that he has the magical ability to make the woman he loves feel all better!

I don’t know where this fantasy first originated, but boy does it make me excited to think about a man who would know that what I need is an emotional release when my instinct would be to sweep my emotional fatigue under the rug! Do you ever wish for this, too?

I wonder how many men out there know that sometimes all it takes to become the forever hero in the eyes of the woman he loves is a pair of strong arms and a box of tissues?